60-second diagnostic

Are you optimizing for market value — or shared life?

Inspired by the cultural conversation around checklist dating (including films like Materialists). This is not a clinical test. It’s a mirror.

1. When you picture a “good partner,” what shows up first?

How they make my life look (status, lifestyle, optics) How our ordinary weeks actually feel together Both — but I’m trying to weight the second more

2. After a great first month, what scares you more?

They might not be “high enough value” long-term We might not build enough real shared life I’m not sure — I flip between both

3. In conflict, you tend to…

Scorekeep and compare options Look for a repair + a better next week together Withdraw and hope it passes

4. Your calendar with a partner looks like…

Parallel lives + highlight-reel dates Mix of errands, downtime, plans, and real talks Mostly logistics / mostly screens in the same room

5. “Strength” in a relationship means…

Winning influence / not being the one who folds Mutual, invited influence both directions Avoiding dependence as much as possible

Next step: The Closeness Inventory turns this into weekly practice — Frequency, Diversity, Strength — without turning love into a leaderboard.

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